Killer boobies- it's on!

September: the start of autumn, the month of my best friend’s wedding, my crazy Tough Mudder challenge and a full double mastectomy...hold up! What?

For those of you that know me or have been reading my blog you’ll know I’ve been planning to have preventative surgery around November time, however, this all changed last week when I was informed by my breast cancer care nurse that it’ll likely take place in early September.

‘The big appointment’

Last Tuesday was the day I’d been waiting for for some time, the day of my surgery planning appointment.

Over the last year I’ve met with genetic counsellors, psychologists, nurses, general surgeons and plastic surgeons. Last month they discussed my case at a management meeting and at this appointment I was going to find out whether my case would be moving forward.

As I sat in the breast cancer clinic waiting room I was very aware that once again I was the youngest and healthiest in the room with most ladies obviously suffering from breast cancer. It’s an odd feeling and sometimes I do feel like I don’t belong there and I wonder if this is how a lot of BRCA+ ladies feel.

As I was called into the consultation room I felt a sudden rush of panic and tears flood to my eyes, I’m normally so positive about the situation but there’s something about being in that clinic that brings it all home with a crash. I was very happy that my supportive boyfriend was there to hold my hand and I’d pulled it together by the time I shook hands with my surgeon.

Within five minutes my surgeon had informed me that my case had been voted for with a resounding yes and my surgery would be taking place. This was very much expected as there’s no reason why it shouldn’t go ahead. I’m young, fit and healthy, of sound mind (if you don’t ask my ex-boyfriends!) and well, my boobs are trying to kill me.

I swiftly signed the consent forms and tried not to focus on the list of possible complications listed such as loss of the nipples, reconstruction failure and rejection of the implants. The conversation then turned to dates and I was quite taken aback when I found out the most likely date would be early September, or at the latest, early October.  This is a lot sooner than I was expecting and I felt a mix of emotions; I felt scared as it now felt very real but I was also relieved as the sooner its done, the sooner I can start my recovery and the rest of my life without that 86% risk hanging over my head.

After the meeting with my surgeon it was time to have my photos taken, which turned out to be one of the most awkward but comedic experiences of my life. As I walked into the ‘clinical photography unit’, which is a surreal mix of a hospital consultation room and a photography studio, I was greeted by a young man in his early twenties. I gave him a slip of paper, that was basically a diagram of a women’s anatomy with a big circle around the boobs, and things instantly turned awkward. This was quite an odd situation for me but the poor guy seemed more nervous than I did. I was told to undress from the waist up and stand on the ‘x’.

I then had to pose for a variety of photographs with my hands behind my back or above my head as Dr Awkward zoomed in on my boobs. He was very quiet and nervous but I struggled not to laugh as all I could see behind him was my boyfriend sitting there eating blueberries one by one as if he were watching a very awkward comedy or the start of a very bad porn film! I’m so grateful that he’s been there to hold my hand throughout this process but the comedic relief he provided that appointment was exactly what I needed and after I got dressed and left the room we laughed the whole way down the corridor.

I’m now booked in for the last three stages before my surgery can take place: an anaesthetic assessment, an appointment where I’ll be measured for implants and a   MRI scan. The MRI is to ensure that there isn’t cancer already present in the breasts before surgery  which is something that has to be checked when I’m living with a very real 86% risk.

September was due to be a very big month for me with a hen weekend, being a bridesmaid for my best friend and taking part in Tough Mudder so I am really hoping that my appointment does come through for October so that none of that is disrupted. At the same time however I really want it done and over with as quickly as is possible.

Waiting for a date does feel a little like torture at the moment, especially for a planner like me. I hate not knowing if I’ll be able to attend my best friend’s hen weekend or whether my Tough Mudder training is all in vain but whatever happens I know I’ll get through it. My boyfriend, friends, family and colleagues have all be fantastically supportive and understanding and I know whatever happens that I’m ready to deal with it head on and fight like a girl.